101 Pairings and then some
by Cszemis
Summary: A series of one shots about the outings or dates between our favourite South Park pairings i.e. Cartman x Wendy, Stan x Kyle etc. In this story Eric Cartman conquers his fears to save Wendy. Please Review


**101 Pairings and then some…**

Ok this is just a series of one shots that I decided to write for my own amusement. Each section will feature an outing or a date between our favourite South Park pairings i.e. Cartman x Wendy, Stan x Kyle etc. If anyone has any funny ideas then do feel free to send me them but this could become something that everyone can contribute to, with their own chapter. So feel free to send me a message if you have anything to add.

Cartman and Wendy's date is based on an outing that I and my guy made. There are very few exaggerations though and if there are any it is merely for dramatic effect. I don't think I've ever been so terrified in my life. Looking back I was perfectly safe but that did not stop me from being so scared.

Enjoy xx

**Title: Vertigo**

"But I don't like heights," Cartman grumbled, trying to shake his arm free of Wendy's talon like grip.

"Oh don't be such a big, fat baby," Wendy pulled him through the doors of the Xscape Adventure Centre, looking too excited and cheerful for her own good.

"I'm not fat, I'm…" Cartman began but was cut off by Wendy's giggle.

"Yeah you're big boned, I get it, I get it," she laughed at him and let go of his arm, "But come on. This is going to be so much fun."

"Care to explain why again?"

"It's the Climb Zone Sky Park!" she declared enthusiastically and waved her brochure in his face, "A state of the art aerial adventure course, 60metres long, 20m above the ground! Obstacles include: traverse wall, hanging logs, swinging rungs, swinging platforms, cargo net, and zip line!"

"It sounds too much like hard work," Cartman huffed and turned to leave, "I don't do exercise."

"You'll do it or you won't get anything later," Wendy frowned and crossed her arms over her chest. She gave him a look, the look that said he should do as he was told or there would be hell to pay.

"Am I not too big?" Cartman kicked the floor.

"Oh it's alright," Wendy grinned again and linked her arm with his, leading him towards the Climb Zone, "I checked it all out and you're not too heavy."

"You sure?" Cartman looked up towards the ceiling. The ceiling was littered with various hanging objects which many people seemed to be swinging and clambering across. It did not look remotely safe and he felt his stomach lurch.

"Yeah, I've booked a spot for us," Wendy pulled out her booking form and wandered over to the main desk, "and it's your own fault. You said you hated skiing and I really wanted to try this place out."

"Couldn't we just go on a normal date?" Cartman was still watching the people on the ceiling.

He and Wendy had only been dating a couple of months and he was beginning to realise that he was being trained. They never went anywhere that he wanted to go. He wanted to go and see a movie and Wendy wanted to do something adventurous. Something that would test their limits, she said. Something that would toughen them for future experiences, she said. So she had booked them up for this obstacle course ceiling experience and Cartman was not amused.

He let her book them in since she was more organised and handed over his ten dollars when he finally had to contribute something. Cartman and Wendy had decided at the beginning of their relationship that they would always pay for themselves because Cartman was cheap and Wendy enjoyed feeling independent.

They were let into a changing area with four young boys that reminded Cartman greatly of his own youth. There was even a child with a green hat that giggled when he saw Cartman and started making jokes amongst his friends. Pissed off, Cartman sat down heavily on a bench and glared up the friendly instructor that had appeared in the room.

"Hey guys!" the man clapped his hands, "We're going to have a great time today! My name's Gary and I'm going to be handing out some equipment before we head upstairs to the course."

He waved his hand at a collection of shoes that were violently orange and not at all shaped like comfortable footwear.

"You need to take a pair that is two sizes bigger than what you would normally wear. They're a little stiff but that's to help protect your foot. I want everyone to take a pair while I hand out the harnesses."

Cartman and Wendy found their appropriate shoe size and were halfway lacing them up when Gary came around with other protective items. He gave them both a harness that went around their shoulders and another one that went around the waist and had loops to hold the legs. Cartman and had to sit and loosen all of his harnesses because of his size while Wendy simply slipped into hers. He sat glaring at Gary while he checked Wendy over, the instructor making sure she was in no way loose and appropriately protected.

He was even more pissed off when he was finally able to slip his legs into the loops and then clipped the waist together. It was still tight and rubbed against his crotch uncomfortably.

"Hey, do you think that will hold that fat guy up?" the kid with the green hat was giggling.

"Doesn't look like it," another boy laughed. Cartman balled his fists and tried not to run over there and rib them limb from limb. It was bad enough having his crotch area bunched up like that without having to put up with a bunch of smart ass kids.

"Alright," Gary started speaking again, "Now you're harness is designed in such a way that if you get into bother you can simply just sit down and let the rope hold you upright. Some like to call it the drop seat and it's designed for comfort over long periods of time."

"Comfort my ass!" Wendy punched Cartman in the arm.

Gary pretended he did not hear, "Now everyone grab a helmet and we'll head upstairs!"

The kid with the green hat typically swiped the only green helmet and Cartman found himself particularly hating that young boy. He did not understand why but there was something about him that he simply could not stand.

Wendy tied her hair back and slipped her helmet on.

"Care to tighten it for me?" she asked him and Cartman did so. Then Wendy stood on her tiptoes and puckered her lips, "Now a kiss."

He was happy to oblige with that and pressed his lips against hers. He was still getting used to kissing and always felt a small thrill whenever he got one. When they broke apart, Wendy tightened the straps on his helmet for him and rapped her knuckles against the hard surface.

"You sure you really need this Eric? It's not like you have much to protect up there!"

"Shut up ho."

Gary the instructor led everyone up the stairs. To Cartman's annoyance it was a spiral staircase. He hated spiral staircases. They never felt safe and he always expected to slip down them.

"What a way to get people scared before they bloody get up there!" he muttered and stomped up the narrows steps, Wendy following behind.

He was nearly breathless when they reached the top. And he felt worse when he saw that the zip line was the first humiliation he was going to have to experience.

"Alright," the instructor beamed at everyone, "Who wants to go first?"

Understandably, none of the young boys were particularly inclined to go first. They shuffled their feet and looked at the ground, a horrible twenty metres away. When no one responded the instructor looked disappointed, worrying who he was going to have to persuade to take the leap over the gap.

Cartman huffed when Wendy nudged his arm, still a little worried and unsure about whether his equipment would actually hold him safely. He did not fancy dying in some freak accident simply because he was too fat. But he had to remain manly for Wendy.

"I'll go first," he drawled, deciding that perhaps it would be best to get the experience over with as soon as possible.

"Ok, I'm just going to swing you out," Gary the instructor clipped him to the ceiling with a carabiner and a rope that moved along a little metal strip in the ceiling, following the route of the obstacle course.

Cartman gripped the horribly thin material with sheer terror when he got closer to the edge and was able to see the ground below. The gap was about twenty five metres wide and the platform on the other side seemed to disappear into the distance. He held on so hard that his knuckles went bone white and his fingers protested painfully

"Hey dude," his voice shook a little, "are you sure that this is safe?"

"Perfectly safe," he was told, "just sit down in your restraint and the force is going to carry you all of the way across."

"I don't think this is a good idea Wendy," he tried not to shriek as the instructor led him out to the edge of the platform. Cartman dug in his heels, his whole body resisting going any further to the drop. There was something incredibly wrong about jumping into thin air.

"You're ok, kid," the instructor took hold of the rope, "Now I'm going to give you a little push."

"I don't want you to give me a little push," Cartman's voice went a couple of octaves higher, "I don't want to do this."

"It'll be over in a minute and if you get into any problems then I'll swing out and give you a hand."

"No, don't!" Cartman saw the man's arm tense.

Using all of his weight, the instructor pushed Cartman over the edge and away, the fat young man soaring away off the platform. Screaming bloody murder Cartman was barely able to sit down in midair, allowing his equipment to carry him across. He kicked the air and bellowed; the wind whipping through his hair. Below him the ground flew past, people stopping in their tracks to look up and watch him soar.

Cartman flew across the zip line, his weight actually being a bonus as it increased his speed and he could scarcely believe it when his feet touched something solid. It had only taken a few moments but Cartman's feet were already happy and firm on the raised platform. He let out a small sob of relief and shuddered, thankful that the most terrifying part was now over.

He looked behind him to see Wendy taking the jump next. She looked a lot more confident and gave the instructor a wide smile as he took hold of her rope and flung her across. She too was over the gap in a matter of seconds but she seemed to enjoy the ride more than he did. She landed smoothly on the platform beside him and beamed happily at him.

"Wasn't that amazing?" her hair was a little messed up from her flight but her face glowed and Cartman was not sure if the rapid beating in his chest was due to fear or to how pretty she looked.

"Not particularly, no," Cartman's legs felt a little weak from under him but he was determined not to appear weak in front of this certain young lady, "It's the gladiator wall type thing next."

"Oh cool," Wendy slid her cord along the track towards the next part of the course.

The traverse wall was actually just a small slope that descended from the ceiling that had varying sizes of foot and hand holds scattered along its surface. There were three different colours to signal three different types of climbing difficulties and Cartman guessed that you should pick one colour and stick with it. He choose the big green ones (obviously the simplest) and stood back off of the platform onto the wall, reaching as far as he could for a green handhold and clinging on tight.

Trying not to look down, Cartman edged his way along the wall. He ended up having to cheat, using the reds and blues as there were simply not enough green foot holds for him to use. They were simply too far apart and he did not fancy doing the splits in midair or risk ripping his jeans.

The wall creaked a little under his weight and he grumbled to himself. He could hear the boys giggling as they reached the platform, having banished their fears. Cartman could hear the kid in the green helmet making some horrible fat ass comments and he resisted the urge to climb back to the platform and kick the crap out of them. Four metres along, he was almost at the end and eyed the hanging logs, the next part of the course.

"I hate this," he muttered and looked back at Wendy, almost falling off of the wall in horror when he saw the expression on her face.

She was shaking all over, clinging to one blue and red hand hold, her feet very precariously balanced on a single green blob near the bottom of the traverse wall. Her eyes were scrunched tight and she was chattering almost hysterically to herself.

"Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God!"

"Wendy?" Cartman made his way back along the wall and touched one of her arms gently.

"DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!" Wendy shrieked and ducked away from him.

"Wendy, it's ok," Cartman was unsure what to do, "It's me."

"I know it's you!" Wendy's voice was strained and panicked, "What the fuck are we doing up here? We're going to die!"

"You wanted to come here," Cartman glared behind her at the four boys who were complaining, standing on the platform and yelling at Wendy to hurry up.

"I can't do this," she whispered, her eyes darting from the floor to his face rapidly, "I can't. I can't hold on! I'm going to fall!"

"You're not going to fall," Cartman eyed her hands which were beginning to loosen their grip, "We're attached to the ceiling."

"But I'm too heavy!" Wendy sobbed and hid her face against the wall, "I'm going to fall!"

"No, you're not," Cartman looked at the ground and felt woozy himself; "if this thing can hold me then it can hold you too."

"Are you calling me fat?"

"No!" Cartman's arms screamed with exhaustion, clinging to the traverse wall like a Garfield in a car window. "But it's ok. Just move your left foot to the one beside me."

Wendy did so but her foot slipped off. It was too small for her to feel safe and she held on tighter.

"I can't!"

"Yes you can. Move your foot!"

Wendy tried again but her foot slipped once more and she shrieked, "Your foot is on the best one! You need to move!"

Cartman tried to do so, taking his foot off of his nice and secure placing so Wendy could spread her legs and move a couple of feet to the left. But again she panicked when there were no available handholds that she felt safe to hold onto.

"You've taken all the best ones you fucking bastard!" Wendy burst into tears and hid her face against the wall again.

"I'm just trying to help!" Cartman pouted, "You're scared. I can see that."

"I'm not scared!" Wendy protested, "it's just that you've taken all of the best blobs, you won't move along, I can't hold on anymore and those boys are shouting at me to hurry up and I can't because YOU WON'T FUCKING MOVE OUT OF MY WAY!"

Cartman hurried back along the edge of the wall and looked concerned back at her. Wendy's face was streaked with mascara but her jaw was set in determination as she clambered along the traverse wall. The boys were right beside her again and were half swinging back and forth, trying to knock each other off. This made Wendy shriek again but she kept going.

"Would you little assholes quit it before I kick your heads in?" Cartman yelled back at them.

"Shut up fat ass!" the green kid was only holding on with one hand, sitting in his harness and swinging slightly, "scaredy cats shouldn't be up here!"

"I'm not scared!" Wendy sobbed, still inching towards the end of the wall. When she got beside Cartman again, he quickly glanced at the boys and placed a kiss on her forehead.

"I think it gets a little easier from here," Cartman nodded towards the hanging logs.

"I'm sorry Eric," she whispered, looking rather weak and faint, "I'm just… I keep feeling like I'm going to fall."

"I won't let you fall," Cartman kept his face serious, "In case you can't see around me, The logs are descended from the ceiling and have bits sticking out from them to hold onto. I have to go first because of the track thing above us but I'll be right beside you."

Wendy nodded. Trying not to take notice of the annoying kids and the many people now watching from below, Cartman took one foot and one hand off of the wall onto the very swingy log. It was not, as Cartman believed, attached to the ceiling but was actually descended from a chain and any movement caused it to swing almost violently from side to side. Gritting his teeth, he reached over with his other hand and pulled himself upright, clinging to the sides of the log.

The next log however had only small groves to hold onto and absolutely no where to put his feet. But he tried to get his log to spin around so he could grab a better hold of the next one, sliding his fingers into the groves. He was then stuck clinging on, extremely distressed that there was nothing but air for his feet. To his left there was a climbing net but there was no way he could take his fingers off of the log to reach it.

"ERIC!" there was a shriek from behind him.

Wendy was now stuck on the first log and she had wrapped her arms and legs around the wooden structure, half sobbing, half laughing. Wendy was on the brink of hysterics and there was nothing he could do but hang in the air.

"Goddammit," Cartman really, really, really wanted to have his feet flat on the ground right now. He also really wanted some ice cream but did not understand why, the height and stress messing with his head.

"A little help here people!" Cartman called out to whoever could hear him. His fingers were going to give away at any moment.

Wendy's eyes flickered and looked desperately at him. He had never seen her so weakened before and it angered him to think that Wendy should ever be reduced to this kind of behaviour. Wendy was strong, tough, and feared nothing. But here she was, shaking and frightened and he could not even make her feel better.

Not that he was doing well himself. He was furious at finding himself so powerless. Cartman hated feeling that he was not in control. An obstacle course on the ceiling should not be a difficult feat for someone like Eric Theodore Cartman but he was only a few steps away from being hysterical himself.

"CAN SOMEONE GIVE HER A HAND?" Cartman called out again.

A few moments later and Gary the instructor was suddenly beside them. Cartman could not figure out how until he looked up and saw that there was not a single track for the ropes and restraints to follow, but two, and Gary was using the second to fly out and help them.

"Is everything alright?" he asked Cartman, obviously realising that Wendy was in no position to answer.

"She's found out that she's afraid of heights," Cartman sighed, feeling sorry for his poor sore fingers and wishing he was several pounds lighter.

"I'm not scared of heights!" Wendy sobbed and tightened her grip on the log. The part of Cartman's mind that had been influenced too much by Kenny McCormick suddenly piped up that he wished Wendy would cling to him like that sometime.

"Ok," Gary whistled and appraised the situation. He turned first to Cartman, "You're going to ruin your arms if you keep that up."

"Good thinking Sherlock, want to give me some wings so I can fly away? I'll try not to kick you in the nuts before I go though, you smart ass."

"You're stressed, I understand," Gary examined Cartman's harness, "I need you to take your hands off of the log."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Cartman tightened his grip.

"It's ok kid, you're not going to fall or anything. Just sit down in your restraint. The drop seat will hold you in place and you can push yourself along the track."

"No!" Cartman glared at him.

"I'm sitting in the drop seat," Gary pointed out. The instructor was in fact just sitting in mid air, the rope running from his waist to the ceiling, sitting in his harness like it was the most natural thing in the world.

"This is seriously fucked up right here," Cartman grumbled and loosened one hand, lifting his hips so he was more in a sitting position.

To his immense surprise his harness held him upright and he too was sitting in mid air. The harness seemed to get a little tighter around his crotch but he was not so terrified anymore. He did not have to hang on and he did not have to move if he did not want to. With the instructor smiling at him, Cartman pushed himself off of the log and onto the climbing net, soaring like he did on the zip line.

"Shit, dude, that's easy," Cartman sighed with relief.

"You going to be ok now kid?" Gary asked.

"Yeah I'm cool," Cartman was beginning to enjoy the feeling of being in mid air. Looking down he could see people milling around, walking to and from the snow slopes and others just happily shopping for clothes and bikes.

Wendy on the other hand was still absolutely petrified and Cartman could only watch with dismay as Gary was able to help her, wishing that he had been tough enough to help her himself. It was not long before Wendy was sitting in the drop seat as well. The instructor gave the boys a warning not to misbehave and kept them back while Wendy pushed herself along to Cartman, not even attempting to try climbing again. When they were finally hanging side by side, Cartman took one hand off of his restraint and held it out to her.

"You did fine," he said in a small voice, not sure if Wendy would shout at him or start crying again.

Instead she just snorted and kept both hands tight around her rope, "Yeah right."

Lowering his hand, Cartman watched her, "We don't need to do this net. We can just push along it and start again on the rickety bridge."

"Yeah," Wendy sighed, barely looking at him.

Taking a firm grasp of the netting, Cartman held on and then pushed, his rope zipping along the track onto the next obstacle, a rickety rope bridge with each of its wooden steps tied by itself to the ceiling so different parts of the bridge swung differently to other sections. Eric put his foot on one board and started walking along, using the swaying of the steps and the ropes on either side to keep his balance.

Wendy once again got stuck, almost going into hysterics when the whole bridge began swinging under her. Taking a deep breath, Cartman turned around and faced her.

"Make your way out to me," he said. Wendy did as she was told and with one eye on her and another on the steps, he began to walk backward, trying to ensure that she would not trip.

Wendy noticed that Eric was now doing the course backwards but her mouth refused to say anything. She had temporarily lost control of her voice due to sheer terror and it was all she could do to follow him along the bridge, trying to keep looking into his face rather than at the ground. Cartman gave her one of his rare encouraging smiles when he got the end of the bridge.

"You know we only have one more section to do?" he waited for her.

"Y-yeah?" she croaked.

"Yeah we just have these little posts to step on and then we're done!" Cartman told her a little too enthusiastically.

He had to turn his back on her for this point. There were four small posts that ascended from the ground and acted a bit like stepping stones for the sky walkers. The top of each post was about a metre apart and was relatively small so Cartman was not sure if his whole foot would be able to stay balanced. So he once again sat down in his restraint and with his long legs he was able to tap each post and push himself along.

The end was now mere inches away so Cartman took both hands off of his rope and grasped the metal bars on either side of the last platform with a great deal of thankfulness and a strange sort of pride. In a few seconds his feet were steady and safe on the platform. He resisted the urge to let out a whoop of satisfaction and instead turned back to face his girlfriend.

Wendy was doing ok. She was no longer weeping and had copied him in getting across. Thankfully her legs were long enough to reach the posts but her feet would have been the perfect size for the top if she had the head for heights that she believed she had.

With one hand on a metal railing, Cartman leaned off of the platform and stretched his hand out to her. Wendy took it and with a great tug, Cartman pulled her up onto the platform with him, wrapping her into his embrace. Wendy began to shake again a little as her mind began to process that she was once again safe. The carabiners dug into Cartman's stomach as he held her but he did not care. He just waited until she stopped shaking and then let her go.

Gary too was on the platform, having used a short cut to get there and he approached them both.

"So, do you kids' wants to go around again?" he looked like he already knew the answer.

"No, dude," Cartman frowned while Wendy shook her head soberly, "just unclip us and we'll head back downstairs.

Gary undid the clasps, parting them from the rope and the ceiling and without even saying "goodbye" Cartman was away down the spiral staircase, looking forward to having his feet on terra firma. Wendy went down the stairs much slower than he did, holding onto the banister and taking each step with trepidation, still unable to believe that she was now no longer in the air.

When they got back to the changing room, Cartman tore off his helmet and threw it in a bucket. It took him several moments to figure out how to get himself free of his harness and even longer to remove his fat legs from the leg hoops but once he had that too got flung to the side unceremoniously and with great relief.

Wendy felt horribly numb and horribly ridiculous as she removed her own safety equipment, peeling the climbing shoes off gingerly and unable to look at anyone due to sheer embarrassment. Thankfully Cartman was satisfied with staying quiet as his nerves were still overly fragile. They did not need to speak to each other. They both felt the need for silence.

They sat side by side on the bench. After a few minutes, Eric finally reached one hand out and took Wendy's hand on his own. Wendy squeezed back in response but they both sat staring at the floor.

"I feel so humiliated," Wendy whispered.

"Don't."

"I never thought I'd freak out like that," Wendy admitted, "I thought I was tough."

"You are tough," Cartman told her, "Everyone is scared of you."

"There's a difference in causing fear and feeling fear Eric," she sighed, "I wanted this experience. I think I even wanted to prove to you that I was capable of anything. And all I did was show you that I was a big wimp."

"I'd never think that," Cartman raised their clasped hand and kisses the back of her palm.

"I was really scared Eric. Some part of me did know that I would never fall and that nothing bad could happen to me. But being up there and seeing the ground so far away… I panicked. I didn't know if I was going to laugh or cry, but I was so scared."

"You sorta did both," he said.

"And now I feel so stupid. So incredibly, fucking stupid!"

"Your make up is all messed up too," he told her.

Wendy let out a small laugh and rubbed under her eyes but it only made the mess worse.

"I envied those kids by the way," Wendy was still trying to explain away her hysterics, "kids have it so easy. They think that if you are an adult then you are not scared of anything. I think it's more terrifying to be an adult. You know exactly what danger you're in, you have a better idea of how horrible the consequences could be if something goes wrong. They just think they might break their arm if they fall, they don't realise that…"

Surprising even himself with his gentleness, Cartman put his arm around Wendy's shoulders, "Stop it."

"Stop what?" she looked confused.

"Just stop it. You were scared. And it's cool. I was scared too at first but I got over it. If you don't think any less of me for being a fat ass then I won't think any less of you for being a pussy."

"Hey!" Wendy punched him in the side.

"Scaredy cat got scared," Cartman sang obnoxiously, "Wendy's a wuss!"

"I am not!" Wendy pulled away from him and glared.

"Oh yeah?" he challenged her, "Prove how tough you are."

"I'll kill you," Wendy seethed.

"How?"

"By suffocation," Wendy jumped him and pressed her lips hard against his. He fell backwards off of the bench and hurt his head but Wendy barely noticed.

"I did fall today," he broke their kiss for a moment, "We're on the floor."

"Yeah but I didn't get hurt. You cushioned my fall."

"Shut up ho. It bloody well hurt," he rubbed his head.

"Eric… you know how everyone calls you an asshole, a fat ass, an unfeeling bastard, a Nazi and a fat ass?"

"You said fat ass twice," Eric fumed.

"Yeah but you're not any of these things to me," she smirked and gave him another kiss, "You're my knight in shining armour."

"And you're a scaredy cat."

"Hey I was being nice you asshole!"

"Scaredy cat!"

"Buttpipe!"

"Bitch!

"Bastard!"

"Ho!"

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**Ok, I might have got some technical terms wrong but I'm no climber. Anyway. If you liked then leave a review. If you really, really liked then submit an idea or your own one shot!**

**Kisses **


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